Family relationships can be amplified, and small niggles of discontent can grow in the pressure cooker of family get-togethers. You may worry about buying the “right” gift, saying the “right” thing, coping with that relative that seems to say the “wrong” thing at every opportunity, and so on. As the festive season fast approaches and stress is on the rise, here are a few ideas to help you cope.
Check in with your expectations, and lower them where possible.
Life is not a holiday movie and is never “perfect.” Check that your expectations are realistic for yourself and others. Try to have an open mind, and be flexible if things don’t go quite the way you pictured them going. Catch yourself when you’re using phrases such as “should of,” “ought to,” and “must” in your thinking. See if you can reframe those holiday expectations that are unrealistic.
Have a plan of how to cope.
Give a little thought about what your triggers with family are. Think about how you will manage these stressful situations before they are on top of you. This will give you the opportunity to develop a response that is planned and prevent heat-of-the-moment responses, which can bring further issues with them. A planned response will lead to better communications and potentially reduce conflict.
Don’t revert to your childhood ways.
Others in the family may revert to their childhood ways, but if you can steer clear of doing so, it will shift the dynamic somewhat. Also, you can choose to steer your conversation or behavior in healthy, mature ways. Steer clear of controversial topics, and have some safe conversation starters ready to go in case a difficult conversation does come up.
Limit the amount of time you spend at events or with people you know are stressful.
“We’ll be there for lunch, but we have to leave by 2:00 p.m., as we have made some plans with friends.” Boundaries on time can be useful and give you an easy exit were necessary. When you know your patience is wearing thin, step away to a bedroom, walk around the block, go do the dishes, or head off before the situation gets out of hand.
Think about how much alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and social media is helpful for you.
Sometimes you can use these things to “get through,” but they can contribute to heightened anxiety and emotional overload. Think about reducing these things over the festive season.
Engage in self-care.
It can be difficult to stick to your usual routines over the holidays, but routines help reduce stress and can make you feel more secure. Schedule some “me time” each day. Keep up your exercise, be mindful of good sleep habits, and eat well without too much overindulging. Staying consistent with routine will help you to look after yourself and maintain your sense of self over the festive period, which will give you the capacity to cope with potential stressors your family may throw your way.
Remember that the holiday season is not just about you and your experience of it.
Focus on the things you are grateful for, and do something nice for someone else.
Veretis. (2022, December 21; Revised 2024 [Ed.]). Coping with family over Christmas (B. Schuette & E. Morton, Eds.). Raleigh, NC: Workplace Options (WPO).
